Relationships, Love, and the God -Centered Relationship

Below is an old entry I had back on Feb 10th but never got back to finishing until now.


Hello Everybody:

Wow. I haven't written here in a while so I'd start off with this quote:

"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."

--Leo Buscaglia(1924 -1998)

I just went to The Cantonese Chinese Christian Fellowship tonight and the topic is: Relationships.I wish I was at this meeting at the beginning, but alas, I had night class.

Anyway in the spirit of upcoming Valentines Day the group split up into two (one side with all boys and the other all girls)and we were given scenarios from a book in chinese about basically arguements that married couples get into:

1. The husband forgets his wife's birthday, the wife gets upset and asks him why he forgot and the husband blames his forgetfulness on work... who is at fault?

2. A married couple gets into fights very often with the husband making fun of his wife and basically comparing her with other women and the wife accuses the husband of cheating because she says he must like looking at other women so much and don't care about her...who is at fault?

3. A married woman is always with her husband and when they fight it used to be only a war of words but recently he turns violent and says he loves her even though he is being a jackass...who is at fault?

In scenario#1 Some guys felt that the woman was just being too sensitive, but generally some of us clearly felt it was the guy's fault for forgetting.

My personal option is: I think it would be the guys fault and his excuse of blaming work is silly because it's like an old saying goes: "You remember your parents birthday because you respect your elders, you remember your own birthday cause you respect yourself" So why would it be any different for a man? regardless whether or not you work? You would remember a girlfriend's birthday or your wife's birthday just the same... so who cares if your work is hectic or you are busy? so the woman's too sensitive? How is that? is remembering just one day so much to ask?

In scenario#2: The guys felt there is no clear way to discern who is at fault since they are both equally responsible.

My personal option is: What is this? I don't even care who started it! The fight has a stupid premise, here's why: At what point did the husband feel it was all right to compare his OWN WIFE with other women? Why the hell would the husband do that? if this was real, I'd tell the husband to grow up: you married your wife for a reason. And it couldn't very well be, "well, if the shoe fits"

Remember when you love somebody and as far as being married to them is concerned, I feel the husband and wife both made a commitment: that means you are responsible for each other! and as for the wife saying the husband is cheating on her and so fouth: that is, annoying. And unless it was real? don't do that...things just get worse that way.

One more thing about the husband: If I were in his shoes I'd seriously think I need counselling, because I mean the woman's your wife, why on earth is it a power trip thing? what does it serve to say other women are better? I mean people get married because they want to spend their lives together right? When you look into her eyes she should mean the world to you. You should at least have remorse for bringing that into an arguement right? What type of man would feel good doing that?

In scenario#3: We all felt the guy is at fault. The scenario in the book had answers and it said the husband does this out of insecurity, and the woman is at fault for depending on the husband too much. Some of us said that maybe the guy needs a second chance to work things out.

My personal option is: If I were a friend,I'd tell the woman to leave the husband and go someplace safe, call the police... because by God, a man, a real man, should NEVER,EVER hit a woman! you know, I don't care if you're stressed, tired, or sugar level's low, a guy like that is worse than an animal in my book! and the stereotypical answer in the book had all of us ask: is this an old book? And apparently this was within 2000 so it wasn't some old book. But it had me wondering if the author was from the 1950s or something...because in any scenario, (even though this is not real) a woman in my mind is never at fault in a abusive relationship, they are victims! a second chance? what? so does that mean don't act until it's too late? I don't think so! If you hurt the one you love, it ain't love at all!

But sadly, if I were a social worker: I cannot do any of that as a professional, my code of ethics says that I have to accept individuals as they are, to value their self-worth,it also says that I have to accept them, but not necesarily condone their actions. If the woman chooses to stay with the abuser, I have to respect their right to self determination. Which leads me to wonder: at what point can we act?

Anyway, what is a God-Centered relationship anyway? How do we know if the "one" we are supposed to be with is what "God intended"? What does that mean? How would anyone know? I don't think love can be arranged, and it's not somehow pre-determined...I mean with so many people divorcing these days who knows anymore? (I am not saying there isn't such a thing as love, quite the opposite, I am just saying that I think not even God could possibly be able to "steer" people together)

Signing off,
TKO