"Not perfect...But faithful"

Hi everybody:

What is spiritual growth in oneself? I was recently back in my home church in Toronto and was in the Sunday school, the topic of discussion was Acts15 and 16 the conflict between Paul and Barnabas.

It got me thinking a little about the two men's approaches to faith. On the one hand, Paul was a man who changed his ways (he was originally Saul, the brutcher of Christians early in his career) and Barnabas, who was more relaxed in his approach to nurturing others to the gospel.

One of the conflicts the two men had was on which person to accompany them on their missions trips. Paul selected Timothy and refused to take Mark, according to Paul, Mark has abandoned them once in the desert. Branabas took Mark into his party and countered that it was no big deal and that ministry should be welcoming. ( basically, everyone deserves a second chance)

Paul believed different. Paul believed that learning the gospel is a constant process and not a task to be taken lightly. He felt that his work for God was more important than anything in his life (not that Barnabas felt differently, but just different methods)

both of these men had a valid point in their own way...it made me think of a few things:

1. What is the nature of the gospel?
2. Who has nurtured me in the the understanding of Jesus Christ?
3. What values did I learn from my faith?
4. What type of believer am I?

1.What is the nature of the gospel?

I always thought of it as a series of lessons. Truth is what you make of it and how you understand something right? Truth is in a way, a matter of perspective, what might be true to me might not be true to the guy down the street. So when you say truth...whose truth are we talking about?

Do I believe it? Yes. But just because I do does not mean other have to. I don't know how else to say it to be fair, I've heard many things over the years and if there is any truth to anything, it is that knowledge is, in and of itself, power. But there is one other question that comes with the territory and that is:

what is knowledge?

according to Webster's dictionary: noun."Having the ability to know facts, information"

but to know something is seen as being certain or having experienced something, perceiving it to be true. How do you "know" something as infinite as God? (That is, if you even believe in God)
I mean, I don't "know" God but I certainly believe in God. (sounds strange doesn't it?) I am not going to get into why I believe in God (I mentioned it in my early blog entries)

2. Who has nurtured me in the the understanding of Jesus Christ?

Hm. I don't know really. I think for me there has been a lot of people, so many in fact, that I lose count. Of course, not just church but a lot of people from fellowships and even people who don't have faith as a focus in their lives. Is there anyone person in particular? Not one but many.

I have been amazed by the strength and character of some and was usually charmed by the the sense of humour in others, there are days where my discussions were serious, sometimes it was not so serious. Few have made me laugh and smile, others made me think long after the they were gone.

one of the questions asked of me was: "Who have you nurtured in the gospel of Jesus Christ? ...who has been close enough to you to see the way you live? Who has followed your teaching, conduct, purpose, faith, patience, love, perseverance, persecutions and suffering? or are these things woefully lacking in your life, that you cannot say with boldness that anyone should follow you?"

Over the years a few people knew how I lived but to me...there is no reason why people need to follow me in terms of faith, I follow others instead and occasionally only take charge when I think it's necessary, I have always been somewhat shy when I am not in a talkative mood. But there was one person I remember who wanted me to "follow" him if you will, in how he walked. I admit I would have learned a lot. But it wasn't quite what I had in mind.

I always put school, education and balance first. (even though at times I may not look like it) and usually, I am only close to some friends if I trust them (out of many others) so to me, it seems foolhardly for me to feel the need to say anyone follows me, I have no inclination for it and I know it is not my place to tell what others ought to do. I figure living simply by example is good enough. (even though I am no good at it)

It made me think of all the wonderful people I knew over the years and how lucky I was. It was not by their "example" but by their actions that tell me a lot about their character. And doing so, they more than anyone one else taught me the value of living life with simplicity.

3. What values did I learn from my faith?

In a nutshell? Temperment. Humility. Forgiveness (which I have yet to master) and Love.

Temperment was not necessarily one of my strong suits, but religion did finally calm me down a little bit. I was still at times tempermental but I was also afford the chance to relax. (not as much as I would like but certainly better than I have done in years)

Humility I was always humbled by the teachings because I need not be anything but myself and almost everything applies to my life. It didn't matter if it was parables or talking with a fellow sister. Things just seem more clear when I am able to spend time away from writing papers and hunting down things for references. Having quiet time does a bit for my soul too I guess.

Forgiveness, ah a sign of strength and of weakness. It seems that it helps heal wounds or sometimes it does nothing and makes your pain linger on. I know for myself at least, that is the one thing I should learn to do well, it is a sign of strength because we have compassion for others. It makes us different and unique as individuals...time doesn't always heal wounds. But it does mellow your senses to it. It is a sign of weakness when mistaken for humility, those that choose to make light of others and expect to simply be forgiven and forgotten are foolish. In the end, it is not us who judge.

Love, it isn't something easy and I think I have a lack of confidence in it and of myself. The funny thing is I did not take love lightly either. It just doesn't necessarily bring the best of memories back. It's funny because I don't remember it as well anymore. (one of my friends wondered and said: "Thomas maybe your attitude will change, you just haven't met the right person yet.") Well, I don't know about that. Another friend has this to say everytime I joke about "The 40 Year-Old Virgin" it goes something like this:

Thomas: "Well, I am about 15 years from that aren't I? I am not that far off..."
Nick: "Man, Thomas don't make me say that 'I think I know a guy like that...' "

Maybe someday I will beat my fears. Just not today...

4. What type of believer am I?

I don't know really. It seems that a lot of names apply. But I take everything with a grain of salt. Sunday Christian? I don't know. Do I only have that day to worship? Nope. But the rest of the week I am minding my priorities and goals. Be it through activities or just spending time with my friends I am bound to learn a thing or two.

I feel my discipline lacking in learning about faith. But like Lazarus I return whenever I felt my discipline dead. And that to me is much like leaving and rising again. I wish I had the discipline that Timothy had, but sometimes I wonder where I dwindle away.

Signing off,

TKO