My return home to Toronto

Hey People!

After being gone the last 5 years, I have finally come back home to Toronto. Waterloo has been a strange place for me when I started 5 years ago...I remember going there alone and against my parents wishes it was funny how things turned out.

When I left York Mills the first and last thing I thought of was what my grand plans were, I always was great at English and it seemed fitting that I wanted a career in journalism. But eventually, I was never the same when I realized that no matter what plans I make things always turn out very different.

I was once proud of what I have accomplished when I completed OAC...and later when I got my degree for Sociology it seemed small in comparison. My accomplishments feel small and smaller still.

I wonder if it was pride that got me through, and yet it didn't quite sound right, and like the little child who couldn't stand to peek at his presents, I wish I knew what the future holds for me.

Waterloo was a place that taught me some sense of purpose, in the last 5 years I became a very different person, just by choice, I left for a place away from home. Yet the anticipation that Toronto is very different from when I left is no surprise...but connecting home feels so weird, it's as if though I feel out of place.

In the last 4 days, I barely got used to being home it was almost surprising I felt like I was trapped. (The feeling you get when you were in high school) In the university I made some good friends, many of whom taught me a bit about religion. Yet, when I am home I barely had time for devotions now.

Then it hit me.

The full weight of reality never felt so strange, it wasn't because I was afraid. (After all, I always feared what I don't know) but at the back of my head, there was always this notion that I had to be independent and even though university has given me a chance to see that, I have not yet accomplished what I needed.

There is one thing that I haven't forgotten though...I once made a promise to a friend that I would go on to start my career in Social Work and finish off whatever I need to finish to and then go find her. It worries me a little bit because at this moment, I feel trapped and because promises do matter to me I just hope I manage to accomplish that task.

Even then, I won’t know what the future holds…but it’s a start and it’s a promise I intend to keep.

Signing Off,

TKO