Of Kings and Men...

Hello People!!

Changing gears a bit another passage in the bible made me think... 1 Chronicles 21:1-22:1 This passage was one that made me think a bit about what makes us as individuals feel a sense of security...the things that I have heard include: money, food, shelter,warmth and the feeling of belonging, the assurance that we are loved by our parents and so fourth...

This passage is about relaying on God's guidance and trusting what is right...God commanded David that there was no need to worry as he has provided him with the means for battle...as his grace is sufficent enough for those who believe in him. David choose to do a census of Israel, dispute Joab's hesitance (1 Chro 21:3)

"But Joab replied: May the Lord multiply his troops a hundred times over. My lord the king, are they not all the king's subjects? Why does my lord wish to do this? Why should he bring guilt on Israel?"

God did not see taking the census to be "sinful" in the conventional sense...but it did anger God as an act of pride, and therefore, God punished David by killing 70,000 men...to teach David a lesson...God sent an angel to destroy Israel but was sad upon seeing the destruction, ordering the angel to stop.

One question was raised: God is infinite in his love and mercy, yet he choose to kill 70,000 just to teach his anointed king a lesson...why?

Another verse caught me as unique as well (1 Chro 21:11) God gives David an"Gibson's Choice" Paradox:

"Take your choice: three years of famine, three months of being swepted away before your foes or three days of the Lord's sword--plague in the land, with the angel of the Lord ravaging Israel."

That is a choice which is not really a choice at all: yet David choose to "fall into the hands of the Lord..." and asked he not "fall into the hands of men"

David realized his error and bowed down before God, atoning for his act of pride, God orders David to bulid an altar...

David inquired to God as to whether or not he can bulid a temple in His name...God explains that if there is to be a house in His honor, it cannot not be bulit by a man of war (David is in God's favor, but simply because as king he lead wars and shed blood of others.) 1 Chro 21:6-9...Lord lets Solomon to be the builder of His house as a man of peace.

It makes me wonder how much I have changed, since finally returning to my church...in work I wear a different hat, and in church I seem a lot more remote but much more at peace... I wonder: How much did I depend on God in my work life? In any success or failures? Yet I seemingly am not strong in faith.

The most interesting thing about God's love is displayed towards Solomon when he became the king of Israel (1 Kings 3:5-9) God says "Ask for whatever you want me to give you"

Is it riches, fame, power or immortality? Nope.

Solomon asked for "Wisdom." Why wisdom? Solomon's request was simple...he so loved God that he felt as a leader he needs wisdom to guide his kingdom, so that his subjects will follow God.

If God was here today and said: " I can grant you anything, simply ask." I doubt I have the foresight to ask for something wise...what would one choose if given such a choice? I wonder...

Signing off,

TKO

"This is the only reality you knew...until you make a new one..."

Hey everybody:

I am finally back. (okay not really as I am still swamped by work)--But I just thought I'd get a few a few things off my chest.

Here is what happened to my entire summer: "What summer? What is summer?"

Well okay, I am a little whiny (sorry) I missed a lot of things while working that I would have love to have at least gone to/visited or otherwise, get in touch with people:

In no particular order:

1. UW Convocation--This is where I could have gotten back to all of my friends just to support them like they have supported me a year or so back... (especially my friends in CCF and cCCF, I really missed you all)

2. The entire season with the Veritas and CCSA--My entire softball season went down the tubes, I was supposed to play catcher and I end up with all of my "weekends" happening in the middle of the week. (what that means is--basically I have no weekends off)--and when I actually have weekends off, I sleep. (sorry guys, that means you Dan, Carson,Gary and Horace)--and by extension--sorry Jas and Eric, sorry you guys, I'd have to e-mail you two since I slept through and missed your going away party.

3. Ah, nothing beats the fact that I am supposed to be improving my sales targets at work--and I get the involuntary "days off"--where I have a gaping 2-3 day period where I am off work until...um, whenever this so called "scheduling team" deems it necessary for me or (everybody else for that matter) when they simply show up to work.

...Okay, one thing good did come out of it Fran, I am glad I got to talk to you in my otherwise physically brutal schedule...on that note...you told me about something that basically had me thinking just a few more times in the last day or so...(which is a good thing for once, since now I don't bring my work home with me.)

Okay I'll break down my thoughts to a few parts: (and yep, I shared the same sentiments with you before, Fran--thanks for making me think one more time--or more actually.)

so this entry is again about...relationships...or rather what it means. Well, at this point I have feelings for someone and don't know how to go about saying it (or at least I know what I wanted to say...just couldn't find the words to put together.)

I'll admit it's been a number of years since I ever was in any "relationship"of any kind, I know that if I say my past was a major factor in my decisions, it seems logical as I always have at the back of my head, said: "I have to be careful...I have to be careful" Knowing my past and what became of me years later I still lean on the side of caution.

Here's another hard thing for me to admit: ( but quite true) I have two options I could:

a) choose to walk away and ignore my own feelings ...(truly foolish and seemingly cowardly of me)

b) or just tell the person. (of course the hard part I now find is: not so much that have feelings for that person..I don't even care about getting rejected, since I wouldn't feel hurt at all), but how do I get the message across that I value their friendship and that it means more to me than anything in the world, and that I am not expecting anything to happen or have any response for that matter?

Fran: Thanks for telling me that I am trapped in the past...because "it was the only reality I knew..." and nothing will go forward because I have nothing "until I make a new reality"

If anything, I learned that over the years I guess even I am tired of running, because of fear, and somewhat foolish responses to "reality" I wonder if I am making excuses for myself...subconsciously or otherwise.

Of course I still couldn't figure out if I should just write them a letter or tell the person myself. Fran thanks for handing me a hammer to break down my "reality" of the past. I guess, the one thing I learned was that no matter what happens, the past will always stay at one point in time, no matter how horrible it is...I am the one person who can beat the past and walk forward...

Now...that said "making my own reality" is harder than it seems...At least bit by bit the fear is finally going away. Thanks Fran for reminding me, that my personal "reality" is what I make it.

Signing off,

TKO