Following a Legacy?

Hello everybody!



Note: I am sorry I haven't been able to update this blog as much as I wanted, now that I have a few minutes to spare...(I have been so bad at keeping up with e-mails...sorry ^__^; )

Please bear with me, this is going to be a long blog update and Josey: Thanks for recommending the book, Eric Thanks for getting me a copy of "The Case for Faith" I'll be busy reading a lot of books over the break ^__^

A lot has happened in the weeks that I have not been able to update this blog. I have been doing a lot of thinking. I have yet again been focusing my attention on what my faith means and unknowingly I stumbled across the fact that I carried a legacy of sorts....and maybe God did finally speak, maybe not. I'd like to think he has spoken.

So here is my story:

A few weeks ago one question was asked: "Why do you believe in God?"

Now I originally thought it was a simple question. Why? You'd think that anybody who believes in something ought to have a reason for it...some reason that was lost to me.

The gears in my head have been spinning and I tried to analyze what I am dealing with at the time...I haven't been able to figure it out.

I asked my friends because I was stumped and many people have given me personal answers. I usually think I have a pretty good idea of things happening for a reason, but this one got me thinking so much I had headaches and I sometimes even have to take a break from going to Cantonese CCF and English CCF just so I could spend time to think about something else.

Upon quiet reflection I found that I was able to understand my own friends from the two CCF groups a lot better: I knew partly why some of my friends believe in God...not the full answer but it was at times funny, sometimes it was serious and there are times that even I was moved by what I heard and observed.

I am usually very talkative... but once I am in a group setting sometimes I manage to be totally shy and at times I seemingly was able to be totally open. Sometimes I am a very quiet observer, I can read feelings between people (No, I may know about it but it doesn't mean I have to act like it).

Most of the time it made me wonder: Is there more to life in terms of faith? And while I know the answer is yes, I then ask myself: If there is more to life, what could that be?

I finally decided to ask my parents as to why they believed in God. They gave me an answer, an answer that I wrote an entire Sociology essay on 4 years ago: "religiosity and Society: Can religion be analyzed as a science in sociology?"

I still remember my thesis: I felt that sociology is a science in the deductive sense and that when mixed with religion it did not make a sound science, that is, religion I felt was merely a peace of mind...what my professor at the time felt was " a need to prepare for death/afterlife"

But as a sociology student I believed in using qualitative analysis: which means the description and research of subjects using a personal approach "Symbolic Intereaction"...which as the name implies: involves understand your subject by direct observation and interaction, in my paper I originally argued, that religion exists and serves a function as purely a social network.

My parents answer: "Religion is a way that we interact with others, if you have friends in certain religions you might follow that friend to that specific religion...but religion is much deeper than that, even deeper than friendship of which it can be a basis, think of it as philosophy son, and by the way, don't think too much, it isn't healthy."

And like them I found my faith to be deeper. Something that tugs right at your heart. It was funny, I met up with a friend, Evie yesterday for dinner before the CCF meeting and we were both discussing our own issues with faith, trying to see if we face the same struggles with faith and how we go about putting doubts to rest.

I understand how better to understand what my religion means to me: it is my compass and it is my shield.

Note to Evie: you might have thought that I was for some reason inspiring and Thank You. Believe me, if anything you are more of an inspiration to me, than I was to you.

You were right, God really does put people in our lives for a reason, and as a result of that, I was able to understand you and many other people.

Here is the funny part: That night Evie, Lue and ChengTRON* and myself have our Bible Study group and we read from the books of Matthew, Romans and we got to the book of John...moments ago Evie and myself were talking about the exact same topic at dinner so the following is what gave me a shock...

Specifically John, chapter 14 verses 5-14: (I had a Student Bible, NIV version: with the heading "Jesus the Way to the Father")

14:5, "Thomas said to him, ' Lord we don't know where you are going, so how we know the way?' "

14:6, " Jesus answered: ' I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me...

14:7, " ...If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."

14:8, " Philip said: ' Show us the Father and that will be enough for us' "

14:9, "Jesus answered: 'Don't you know me Philip? Even after I have been among you for such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say 'show us the Father?' "

14:10,"...Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work."

^14:11"...Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves...."

14:12 ^"...I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. "

14:13 "...And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. ^"

14:14 "...You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. "

As we go along, ChengTRON* says: "Thomas it looks like you carry a legacy...wow"

to which Evie says: "Wow...Thomas I think God is trying to tell you something...what do you think?"

Lue says: "So what do you think Thomas?"

Then Evie read the Biography notes of "Thomas the Disciple" below the passage out loud:

"BETWEEN THE STUBBORN SKEPTICISM AND HONEST questioning there is a huge gap, and the disciple named Thomas illustrates the difference. Popularly known as "Doubting Thomas" this disciple stands out for his practical honesty, not for his unbelief.

When Jesus' friend Lazarus died, Thomas frankly showed his despondency along with his intense loyalty to Jesus: " Let us also go (to Lazarus grave) so that we may die with him" (11:16). At Jesus' last meal with his disciples, he expressed the confusion that is surely on everyone's minds (14:5). Thomas never pretended. If he didn't understand something, he said so; if he felt discouraged he acted like it."

Evie then read more: " Thomas got his reputation as a doubter primarily because of his reaction to Jesus' resurrection he simply insisted: "I need to see it for myself" The implications of a risen Jesus were too great he believed to take someone else's word for it...Jesus honoured his honest doubt and visited him in person to offer proof...Thomas' questions led to faith because he expressed them sincerely and looked for answers. The last mention of him in the Bible show Thomas not questioning but praying...waiting with other disciples for the Holy spirit to come (Acts 1:12-14)"

(The Student Bible, 1996 NIV edition P.1121).

of course you can guess my reaction: I was sitting there completely stunned by the fact that I was just talking to Evie about it and how close it resembled my own skepticism. At the same time ChengTRON* says to me: "Thomas if that wasn't talking to you...I don't know what does"

All I can say is: This is probably the most incredible set of circumstances EVER. I am still shaken by it a little. But it made me think yet again.

Note to ChengTRON*: Cheng, you have changed the way I will look at Transformers Posters forever: Thanks to your nickname, now I will proceed to bug Mike. Y and ask him every time I go to Westcourt: " Mike where is the Autobot named ChengTRON*?"

I think I will start my conversations with Cheng like this from now on:

Thomas: "Oh great, now you got me thinking you can transform into something"

Cheng: " Autobot Transform!--wait--what do I transform into?"

Thomas: " I dunno...you can transform into chunks?"

Cheng: "Oh what a crappy superpower to have...I transform into chunks...wait...chunks of what?"

Thomas: *Pauses for a long time with the joke still not sinking in*
"I was thinking blocks...but, hey...No...OMG! I am not touching that one! ...AHHHH! ...no...AHHHH!"

Oh. Boy.

Until next time!

TKO ^__^;

Why do I believe?

Hello everybody!

I want to start my thoughts off with this quote:

"No vision and you perish; No Ideal, and you're lost; Your heart must ever cherish some faith at any cost. Some hope, some dream to cling to, Some rainbow in the sky, Some melody to sing to, Some service that is high."
-- Harriet Du Autermont

I sorry I haven't been keeping up with the journal recently, a lot of things are going through my mind...Mainly because I am set to go for another exam tomorrow first thing in the morning and there has just been so much on my mind about my faith in God. I have doubts and I am beginning to want to walk away...to try and think and re-examine why it is I believe in God.

I have been asked a fair question: "Why do you believe?" (In God.)

The one thing that startled me was that I don't know how to explain my own faith and yet I believe faith to be one of many things in my life, that I hold to be important.

So what does God truly mean to me? I accept God as my savior, my judge. I find myself at odds with what I believe to be two fundamentally different things in my life: Destiny and Fate.

I believe that I am the one who walks a path: My destiny is determined by the choices I make and ultimately the path on which I walk, for all it means is simply that I reach a destination. God does not control my destiny because he gave me free will...The ability to think to make mistakes and to think for oneself.

I believe that fate is the judgement on which God places on me. He decides where I go when I finish my journey called life. There is no substitute. No exception, it just is...what it is.

I have a responsibility. As a human being, I am accountable for the roles that I play: be it a student, a son, a brother, my brother's keeper, a friend, a sociologist or a social worker. This list is short as I have many more unwritten chapters in my life.

I have been asked yet another question: " Why does it not offend you, that I am telling you that what you believe in, is a fake? a fraud? I am telling you that everything you choose to believe in is a delusion"

The answer to that question is this: I believe that even if I do not necessarily agree, I feel that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I take no offense if someone believes in and holds different views from myself. In fact, I welcome the discussion.

I feel that my faith is weak. I have opinions and questions. I am outspoken in my own way. I feel that by asking questions and lacking vision and understanding does more harm than good. I was told that it was not my job to justify my faith...and that you can believe just because you want to have faith. (Chris H. Thanks for being a brother in Christ to me. Also for still being the good friend that you always are.)

This led me to ask myself this question: "Should I walk away? Should I turn my back on God?"

Hold that thought.

I am not walking away because of sprite. I am not walking away because of lament. I would suffer fools hardy if that were the case. I am debating on whether walking away will help me understand. I am having a hard time thinking of putting this thought into action. Knowing at the same time the consequences. This forces me to examine a lot of things: including my career.

I have been told by a dear friend of mine that: "Passion without skill is unappreciated"

And for me...Passion is empty without knowledge. I lack vision...I have ideals...I have ambition and yet I am lost. This lack of understanding causes me a disturbance...I am not lost because I have no aim. I am lost because I am aware that I do not know. The realization brings me shock, fear and no comfort.

Yet. I still believe God does exist. I see kindness through others, love and concern. I have received that gift through one of my many friends. The greatest gift of all isn't just life, it is caring and love. ( Josey T. you were wondering about proof yesterday? You are proof enough to me. You asked me what proof I found: Talking to you truly is a gift. I mean that with all my heart.)

Yet...I still have doubts, I feel sorry that I do. I don't know why. I feel that I could not bring myself to walk away because it will hurt people I care about. And yet, I wonder why the thought of walking away from my faith ever crossed my mind. Am I fighting a battle? Who is my opponent? Why do I have this uneasy feeling?

I feel I have something missing. Yet I know not what it is I am missing. Yet my current companions are confusion and fear. I don't know why I have these feelings. For now, I will have to fight my battle another day.

For now, I bid you adieu.

TKO

Rainy Day.

Don't Quit -- by Jill Wolf

Don't quit when the tide is the lowest

For it's just about to turn;

Don't quit over doubts and questions,

For there's something you may learn.

Don't quit when the night is darkest,

For it's just a while 'til dawn;

Don't quit when you've run the farthest,

For the race is almost won.

Don't quit when the hill is steepest,

For your goal is almost nigh;

Don't quit, for you're not a failure

Until you fail to try.



I was going through something rough recently and a friend of mine sent me this poem. For me, this meant a lot, in fact this moved me to tears. And the thought always does count. I am glad I had a chance to understand my friends a lot more the last few days than I did the last few years.

All it took was for me to talk. To be the one to reach out and just talk, it puts a lot of doubt to rest.

What did anyone think of President Bush winning the election? Not that Kerry would be any better (I am actually scared of them both) The world is now (At least the way I feel) more dangerous than ever because we saw what 4 years of Bush would do to the world.

When Bush first took office I felt as if though the Americans were cheated. That there was that recount thing from Florida in 2000. I never felt he was a President, because it felt like he was somehow handed the spot... that he didn't earn it.

While the attention to the War on Terror was commendable, I felt worse when he shifted his focus away from Osama Bin Garbage. I mean Bush has struck me as dumb during this year's debate and even prior to it his attempt to explain "Sovereignty" sent chills down my spine...His isolation of the United Nations and his declaration that the U.N. was nothing more than a failed "League of Nations" was terrible.

I am not surprised at all that the U.S. felt that they needed to attack Iraq...in fact, Former President Bill Clinton came close a few years ago. Is America a great nation? by all definitions, I would say yes. But their nationalistic and egocentric attitude made me scared of what they could do to the world.... this Presidential election came so close, yet so far...it was sad to see that after the few months in 2000 when Al Gore lost...people at the time had said "Gore in 4" in support of the man...only to see him reduced to a footnote in history.

Sentator John Kerry and John Edwards represented a hope for change...and this was great, because America didn't need to lose their allies...and they did no thanks to President Bush. I am a person who calls Canada home...and for me knowing that our neighbours to the south actually elected Mr. President Bush...I can only hope that President Bush delivers and sees that he has one more chance to reach out to the international community and the world at large.

That's all I can say now....

TKO

Music Review: Kelly Chen's CD "Stylish Index"

Hello people!

I am sorry I haven't been able to update my blog for a few days, I've been out sick and dealing with a lot of stuff. Eh...Life happens...What can you do? Here comes the second music review based on Kelly Chen's album "Stylish Index"

Kelly Chen's CD has 15 audio tracks:

11 are in Cantonese, 4 are in Mandarin and 1 English track

Instead of listing all of the tracks I am just going to talk about the ones I enjoyed the most:

In no particular order:

1."Phone, order to kill"
2."Unlimited"
3."I am fine"
4."Sorry, it's not you"
6. "A Clean love of self"
7. "Kelly Bag"
8. "Shoes! Shoes!"
9. "Miles in the air"
10. "Penthouse"
11. "Stamp"
13. "Beautiful Fiance"
15. "Love Paradise"

The first track (1."Phone, order to kill") was cool! It talks about how a person's getting over their past by deleting their old flames phone numbers and starting over...creepy but nobody could make that sound beautiful like Chen can...Simply brilliant

The second track (2."Unlimited") is about a couple and their differing goals in life...One wants stability, the other well...It talks about what people want out of love in a way...It talks about how there are differing extremes one talks about how one wants marriage and one doesn't and just wants romance just for the fun of it...Hence there is a comparison between what is true and what is false.

Track three (3."I am fine") Is about a person's desire to be noticed by the one they love. And the wonder of what happens if the person takes a different path...a bunch of "what ifs..." and having no regrets from breaking up and looking to the future. A little sappy...but it did ring a bell for me...and that's cool...It was cool in the sense that after listening to this song I felt it was funny...It was not like other songs and it actually sounds more like there's hope...no matter where you go.

Track four (4."Sorry, it's not you") This song talks about how a person tries to tolerate and figure out whether or not they really really love the person they were with (an ex-lover)or if their love just isn't strong enough. From the perspective of a person who is being cheated on in a relationship... Hm...Not much of an opinion for this song...I just like the way it sounds.

Track six (6. "A Clean love of self") Talks about how a person makes the biggest decision in their lives: Marriage. I like it because it just sounds nice...and it is one of those things where it's from a woman's perspective (I take that with a grain of salt, it's a song okay?)...it sounds cool anyway, I am just glad this song isn't anything like Alex Fong's songs. It has confidence written all over it and okay... some doubt...but hey nothing sad or disturbing. And yes, I think it's a sweet song. (There I admitted it okay? ^__~)

Track seven (7."Kelly Bag") is an opposite to the last track...it questions whether love is real and whether or not the guy in the song loves the girl because he does for real... or if he only loves her because of her appearance...

Track eight (8. "Shoes! Shoes!") All I have to say is: "YEAH!" This sounds like a track I would play if I got bored at a race track! Ha ha ha! I am not even going to bother explaining what this one is about. (Hey I should really take up riding motorcycles...if I did that this is the first thing I want playing in my helmet!)

Track nine (9. "Miles in the air") is about memory, love, loss and disappointment and just talking about memories of the past...hm...again not much opinion for this one.

Track ten (10. "Penthouse") worth listening to...(NOT recommended if are depressed!) another sad song about letting go... But it sounds cool.

Track eleven (11. "Stamp") a song that is very romantic...that's all I have to say...sounds nice and not necessarily sad. *yay*

Track thirteen (13. "Beautiful Fiance") a re-composed version of the Cantonese song (This one's in Mandarin)

Track Fifteen (15. "Love Paradise" ) This is an English track and it's a love ballad and it's the first time I've even heard Kelly Chen sing in English...what can I say? I can be sentimental too.

Well..that's it for now...Goodnight! ^__^

TKO.